A little reminiscing of my past life…

From all of my research, I had come to one conclusion. I hated people. History contained nothing but greed, war, poverty, murder, and adultery. Why anyone would think that a man was great only because of how many others he could kill or how many nations he could conquer, was beyond my comprehension. I wanted nothing to do with such creatures. Especially royalty. Royalty seemed so over rated. All they did was sit around and cause trouble. They were so proper and with all their formalities, it's amazing they got anything accomplished.

I learned quickly how to cope with my situation. I gave up trying to remember my past less than a year after I first began to live at the community center. It just didn't matter all that much to me. I spent the first few weeks spending every minute of every day trying to come up with clues. After all that hard work and effort, I was still no closer to remembering anything. It was frustrating to say the least. So I just gave up. I realized that it just wasn't that important to me. I really didn't care who had brought me into the world, considering all I COULD remember was the feeling of fear and danger. I figured that my past was not something I wanted to remember.

By most people's definitions, I was a fairly cold hearted person. To coin a phrase, I cared for nothing and for no one. I relied strictly on what I had and needed, not what I wanted. I became able to almost shut out emotions entirely. I thought emotions to be small things which carried way too much weight. I could not believe that a society based around and upon such short, whimsical, and pointless things such as emotions could even survive a day. All they ever did was hurt people in the end. Anger, hatred, greed, lust, and jealousy seemed to be the most common. Very rarely did you see any great change happen as a result of love. And even love, in marriage, was not solid. Emotions lead to heartbreak and I for one did not see the point. I planned never to befriend, never to love, and never to marry. Besides, what was the point of feeling things if you weren't going to express them? Especially in royalty, humans tend to not say what they mean. A woman will approach another woman and say, "That is a lovely dress. Who designed it?" when she really means, "Who designed that wretched thing, so that I may avoid them in the future?" It was a concept I never grasped, and I did not wish to make the attempt. I had done my best in setting myself apart from everyone else, but at the same time, I was not ashamed of what I was. I found humanity to be an interesting race, and although I will take this secret to my grave, I almost want to be accepted by them. I wanted to be considered one of them, just more enlightened than most, I guess.